For most of my teenage years and early adulthood, I wore impulsivity like a badge of honour. It felt fun, spontaneous, and maybe even a little rebellious. Making quick, last-minute decisions, following urges without much thought—these were qualities I saw as defining me. I thought of impulsivity as a way to live “in the moment,” grabbing life by the horns. But it turns out that what I was actually grabbing onto was often a double-edged sword. Being impulsive meant I rarely stopped to consider the consequences of my choices, and for a long time, that included drinking.
Today, I had a chance to reflect on this while listening to the Huberman podcast, where Dr. Anna Lembke discussed the link between impulsivity and addiction. What struck me most was her description of impulsivity as a lack of pause between thought and action. This idea felt like a wake-up call. Looking back, I can see so many times when my impulsivity led me straight into moments I’d later regret, all because I hadn’t allowed myself a second to stop and think.
The Instant Gratification Trap
The thing with impulsivity is that it feeds off of instant gratification. When we’re impulsive, we’re wired to reach for what feels good in the moment, with little regard for how it might impact us or others down the road. For years, I was too focused on that immediate rush to “play the tape forward.” Alcohol was an easy go-to, a quick fix that brought comfort and escape, and in my mind, that’s all that mattered in the moment.
The problem is, the more we give in to those instant urges, the stronger the habit becomes. It’s like training the brain to prioritize short-term pleasure over long-term well-being. For me, it became a cycle where alcohol became the automatic solution for anything and everything—celebration, stress, boredom, you name it. And the more impulsive I was with drinking, the harder it became to recognise the negative impact it was having on my life.
Learning to Pause
It wasn’t until I started working on my sobriety that I realised the importance of what I now call “the power of the pause.” Instead of reacting immediately to every urge or emotion, I began practicing the art of stopping, just long enough to ask myself, “Is this really what I want? What will this choice mean for me tomorrow, next week, or even next year?”
This wasn’t easy at first. In a world that’s constantly pushing us toward instant gratification, pausing can feel unnatural. But through practice, I learned that putting a little space between thought and action allowed me to make choices that were aligned with my goals, not just my impulses. And honestly, that pause has been one of the biggest game-changers in my life, especially in sobriety.
Working on Impulsivity with Clients
When I work with clients, one of the most common issues we tackle is impulsivity. So often, drinking has become the automatic response to everything life throws at us because we’re used to grabbing onto that immediate sense of relief, comfort, or escape. Teaching people to pause before reacting is crucial for breaking the cycle. In those few seconds of pause, we get the chance to ask ourselves if this is what we truly need—or if we’re just reaching for the familiar.
I encourage clients to consider these questions to get a sense of their impulsivity:
Would you describe yourself as impulsive?
Has impulsivity impacted your alcohol use?
Are there areas of your life where you take a more thoughtful, considered approach?
How might you transfer that skill to areas where you’re usually more impulsive?
By asking these questions, we start building awareness. And awareness, as I’ve learned, is the first step to meaningful change.
The Shift from Impulsiveness to Self-Control
So, how do we go from impulsive decisions to intentional choices? Can we curb impulsiveness and learn self-control? Absolutely—and the science backs this up. When we consciously practice self-control, we’re actually rewiring our brain, thanks to something called neuroplasticity. This means that, over time, we can train our brain to respond differently to those same old triggers.
One of the most liberating things I’ve learned is that I don’t have to react to every thought that crosses my mind. Recognizing that I have a choice has been huge in transforming how I approach life. And the more I practice, the stronger those pathways in my brain become, making it easier and easier to respond with intention rather than reacting on impulse.
Spontaneity vs. Impulsiveness: The Fine Line
It’s also worth mentioning that there’s a difference between spontaneity and impulsiveness. I still value being spontaneous—taking a last-minute weekend trip because the weather’s nice or saying yes to an adventure that feels right. Spontaneity has a touch of intentionality; there’s a quick but real check-in with ourselves before we act. Impulsiveness, on the other hand, is a knee-jerk reaction, a response driven by habit rather than choice. Learning to distinguish between the two has helped me embrace spontaneity while letting go of impulsiveness.
Final Thoughts
In the end, shifting from impulsivity to intentionality has not only supported my sobriety but also transformed my relationship with myself and others. The power of the pause allows me to be present, to make choices that feel true to who I am and who I want to become. It’s a skill I wish I’d learned sooner, but it’s also one I’m incredibly grateful to have now. And every time I choose to pause, I’m reminded that sobriety isn’t just about what we let go of—it’s about what we gain.
If you would like more support on finding freedom from alcohol, check out my group coaching program here.
Ellen xoxo
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